By 2009, life had lost most of its meaning for me. I felt I had officially “lost the plot.” I had been in college, finishing my degree in Psychology, when the insomnia started and pain began ripping through me. It was more than I could bear and I was forced to resign from school after years of study. I had given up on my hopes, dreams, and future. This is part of my journey back to wellness.
In 2004, after consulting more physicians than I can recall, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and depression by a leading expert in Dallas, TX. I had 15 of the 18 trigger points needed to make the diagnosis. I couldn’t be touched without pain, movement was difficult, and I knew that if I physically exerted myself, I would pay dearly.
Time seemed to stop as I began to wilfully waste away. I was rendered irresponsible by my own body. “Why me?” was often a part of my thoughts. I further lost control by addictions to prescription pain killers Percocet, OxyContin, and Xanax, as I reached for anything I could use to cope.
I seemed to refuse joy when it did come. I didn’t deserve to feel good and I had proof of that inside me. Escaping my reality, I ran from all the physical and emotional pain that had been haunting me for more than two decades. Every day was a struggle. I felt broken and prayed for release. I recall asking God to either “heal me or kill me” on several occasions. I even tried to commit suicide.
Looking back, this “escape” was the only thing I felt I could control when the days came where I could no longer control anything. It controlled me. I subscribed to powerlessness “groups.” I bought the merchandise and like any good Christian girl, I was in good standing, armed with bottles of pills to relieve the agony in my body. What I didn’t know was that I had a choice. Just like the coping mechanisms I utilized, I could be in control of my own healing too. I didn’t have to accept the path that I created. It wasn’t too late; help was on the way in a most extraordinary way.
I had been trying to find the “answer.” My husband would tell me to stop looking, as there was no cure. The best I could hope for was to manage my disease. A part of me that knew that life could be better, but for every empowering thought I had there was that little contradicting voice that said, “There isn’t a cure” or “Give up, already.” Well-meaning doctors and relatives reinforced my self-victimization and completely supported the downward spiral of any well-being I had left. I played that role very well.
When you are ill, you’ll hear questions that continue to support the beliefs you have about yourself like, “Are you ok?” or “Are you sure you can do that?” “What about the pain?” “Is there anything I can do for you?” You’ll hear things like, “I hope you feel better,” or “Be careful!” Not to mention the grimacing looks on the faces of others as they see you struggle. After all, we are supposed to be empathetic, right?
You get the picture. Just like me, you are a product of beliefs that either serve you or don’t. Those beliefs are keeping you in alignment with what you hold within yourself and it is motivated by love, keeping you “safe.” Little did you know, that is its job.
What I resisted, persisted. My body was telling me loud and clear, “Deal with me!” I couldn’t run far enough, fast enough. I would never succeed in finding the answer at the bottom of a bottle, in another person, or through my co-dependency of both. I didn’t realize that if I dealt with (and even embraced) the parts of myself that were hurting, I would not only heal, I could help others to do the same.
I found this truth in FasterEFT.
In the beginning of 2010, I found the Healing Magic channel on Youtube. I began tapping along with everything, as if I was sitting in that chair. It was my season to heal and I knew it. I began feeding the information to my subconscious by repeating the words and tapping along. For six months, I did this until there came a day where I found myself doing things I hadn’t done in years and enjoying life.
At first, the resistance reared up in defense of what was under the surface. Letting go of limiting beliefs, I kept going. I decided that it was the time to stop hurting and went to see Robert Smith, the founder of FasterEFT. For three days he tapped with me, and although there was so much work to do, I knew I had found what I’d been searching for and continued healing myself.
My journals of self-work accumulated and the day came where my physician wrote in my chart: “Told patient to keep doing whatever she is doing.” I would successfully be taken off all nine medications prescribed for pain management, anxiety, insomnia, and depression, tell-tale symptoms of FMS.
THIS IS THE THING….
The terms, labels, and name tags I had grown to use, addiction and fibromyalgia, were the physical manifestation and representation of all that stuff I had never dealt with and resolved. I was successfully creating my pain, based on the life I had lived thus far. I was truly doing it to myself in the now. Those things weren’t happening any longer, yet my body and mind were trying to protect me in the most loving of ways and trying to keep me safe.
My past had taken control and manifested through pain and denial. I felt that I deserved a respite from the pain through those medications. True relief came when I began to go to all those traumatic experiences, to fully feel them without running, to release them, to completely transform them. Memory after memory, I began healing those hurts, finding the courage to relive them in order to feel the pain for the last time. Some of the darkest places were the healing resources I needed for growth. No longer were they trying to run the show. I had taken control of my own life!
My deepest desire is to help others and to enjoy each and every moment. I am thankful for the opportunities afforded to me.
I believe that inside each of us is unlimited potential for miraculous change. You came into this world with a divine spark, and only you have the power to allow it to grow. My own life continues to unfold in the most beautiful ways. Watching others change their story is a privilege in this lifetime. My clients are becoming happier and healthier. (testimonial link here)
I found this to be true: FasterEFT is a powerful system that can be used on any problem, issue, pain, or symptom and it can put you back in the driver’s seat of your own life. Isn’t it time to take your power back and create the life you are meant to live?